Warriors: Warning #1 (My Warriors Story)

Alright as I promised here is my Warriors Story, well Chapter 1 anyway. I'll post one chapter at a time every Friday, I may post a chapter more often if it goes over big or because i'm excited. Now for the flaws(If that's how you spell it lol). I had everything perfectly entered on Microsoft of whereever I had it, but as I pasted it in here it completely altered my work. If it seems like the main character is talking but there are no quotation marks, then they are thinking. I indented but it doesn't always show it. If you have any questions about the Allegiances please ask, they were jumbled around too. :)
*Sigh* I believe that's it, by the way the book's called Warriors: Warning. Please comment on it and keep watch for more. I'll eventually upload the family trees for the story that i have made. Feel free to compliment or critisize, i can take it.....i think. :) Thanks!
Allegiances
Thunderclan
Leader
Poppystar- Gold and brown tabby she-cat with green eyes
Deputy
Licktail- Long-haired gray tom with amber eyes
Medicine Cat
Glaregaze- Dark gray tom with dark amber eyes
Apprentice, Blinkwing- Fluffy white she-cat with light blue eyes
Warriors
Seedwhisker- Cute black tom with light green eyes
Peachseed- Peach colored she-cat with green eyes
Apprentice, Shypaw
Cloudyhaze- Fluffy white mostly blind tom with light blue eyes, won’t admit he can’t be a proper warrior because of his sight
Dashpelt- Gray tabby tom with amber eyes
Apprentice, Birchpaw
Twitchclaw- Dark tabby tom with amber eyes who has a tendency of accidentally clawing cats
Apprentice, Shockpaw
Hotfur- Beautiful soft white she-cat with adorable blue eyes
Brightswipe- Pretty brown tabby with bright blue eyes
Apprentice, Yellowpaw
Wishheart- Loyal and devoted brown tabby tom with light green eyes
Apprentices
Shypaw- Very shy white she-cat with black stripes and light blue eyes
Birchpaw- Cute tabby tom with lime green eyes
Yellowpaw- Beautiful yellow she-cat with bright blue eyes
Shockpaw- Handsome black tom with electric blue eyes
Queens and Kits
Berrystem- Cream colored she-cat with light blue eyes, mother of Wishheart’s kits: Sealkit (gray she-cat with little black spots on her back and blue eyes), and Redkit (ginger tom with a fluffy tail and green eyes)
Lilydance- Pretty white and gray she-cat with light blue eyes
Elders
Losttip- Brown tom with green eyes and missing the tip of his tail, the oldest cat in Thunderclan
Blossomcall- Gray she-cat with amber eyes, Losttip’s mate
Bravespirit- Golden tabby tom with orange eyes, jumped in front of a dog and was injured badly to save a kit who later became Peachseed
Darknose- Black tom with dark blue eyes and a black nose
Shadowclan
Leader
Finchstar – Gold she-cat with amber eyes
Deputy
Falconwing- Brown tom with amber eyes
Medicine Cat
Peacebreeze- Long-haired white tom with peach stripes and light green eyes
Apprentice, Sunpaw
Warriors
Sproutweed- Gray she-cat with green eyes
Apprentice, Mosspaw
Blastfur- Bright long-haired orange tom with amber eyes
Apprentice, Orangepaw
Lightgaze- White she-cat with glowing yellow eyes
Quailfeather- Gray she-cat with light blue eyes, does not fit in very well with her clan because she would stop to help any cat in need
Beaverslap- Brown tabby tom with amber eyes, has a powerful tail
Apprentice, Swiftpaw
Pricklefang- White she-cat with blue eyes and a very short temper
Foxclaw- Orange tabby tom with amber eyes
Darkwind- Strong black tom with amber eyes
Apprentices
Mosspaw- Gray she-cat with mossy green eyes
Swiftpaw- Black tom with amber eyes
Orangepaw- Gray tom with glowing orange eyes
Sunpaw- Yellow and gold tabby she-cat with amber eyes
Queens and Kits
Snowflight- White she-cat with green eyes, mother of Foxclaw’s kits: Sparrowkit (gray tabby tom with amber eyes), Thistlekit (black tom with green eyes), and Icekit (white she-cat with amber eyes)
Elders
Foldear- Gray and white tom with blue eyes, his right ear is permanently folded over
Mangoflight- Gold tabby she-cat with green eyes, was under a tree, as an apprentice, when mangos fell from it
Windclan
Leader
Harestar- Brown tabby tom with amber eyes and long legs
Deputy
Swipefoot- Black tom with green eyes
Medicine Cat
Sparrowflight- Gray tom with black paws and orange eyes
Warriors
Heatherbreath- Pretty brown tabby with blue eyes and sweet smelling breath
Apprentice, Antpaw
Bugbrush- Orange tom with amber eyes, is constantly seen brushing ants and other insects from their homes
Whiskerloss- Gray tom with amber eyes, is missing half his whiskers
Fernleaf- Gray and white she-cat with light green eyes
Webfling- Black tom with amber eyes, is annoyed by cobwebs
Apprentice, Tanpaw
Petalwind- White she-cat with green eyes, her mate Reedclaw died and is very close with her daughter Mudpool
Apprentice, Sparkpaw
Mudpool- Brown tabby she-cat with yellow eyes, is very close with her mother Petalwind
Dampmoss- Black she-cat with green eyes, has a drooping pelt
Lunarlight- Black tom with white paws and light blue eyes
Apprentices
Tanpaw- Tan tom with yellow eyes
Antpaw- Cute black she-cat with amber eyes
Sparkpaw- Gold she-cat with green eyes
Queens and Kits
Cherryseed- Light brown tabby she-cat with light green eyes, mother of Harestar’s kits: Beetlekit (brown tabby tom with amber eyes) and Tawnykit (light brown tabby she-cat with light green eyes)
Blossomwind- White she-cat with dark green eyes, mother of Webfling’s kits: Larchkit (gray she-cat with amber eyes) and Breezekit (black tom with green eyes)
Feathersong- Soft, gray she-cat with light blue eyes, mother of Ripplewind’s kits: Nightkit (black she-cat with blue eyes) and Willowkit (soft, gray she-cat with light blue eyes)
Elders
Maplejaw- Gray tom with amber eyes, loves maple sap
Thunderroll- Black tom with yellow eyes and a short temper
Goldwhisker- Brown tabby she-cat with amber eyes and gold whiskers
Bluetalon- Blue-gray tom with blue eyes, Goldwhisker’s mate
Longfur- Long-haired brown tabby tom with amber eyes
Riverclan
Leader
Mallowstar- Soft, gray tom with white paws and tail tip and light blue eyes
Deputy
Aloespark- White and gray she-cat with blue eyes
Medicine Cat
Cloverleaf- White she-cat with dark green eyes
Apprentice, Pebblefall – light gray tom with blue eyes
Warriors
Whisperwing- Light brown tabby tom with amber eyes
Apprentice, Mistypaw
Riverstream- Blue-gray she-cat with light green eyes
Apprentice, Dawnpaw
Grassblade- Strong, handsome, white tom with grass green eyes
Reedtip- Black tom with blue eyes and a white tail
Apprentice, Bumblepaw
Lemonsquirt- Yellow she-cat with light green eyes
Raggedpelt- Gray tom with blue eyes and a messy, ruffled pelt
Apprentice, Swooppaw
Brindleberry- White she-cat with light blue eyes and brown paws
Apprentice, Fawnpaw
Cindercloud- Soft, gray she-cat with light blue eyes
Hollythorn- Black she-cat with amber eyes
Apprentice, Frostpaw
Apprentices
Fawnpaw- White she-cat with green eyes and light brown paws, sister is Frostpaw
Frostpaw- White she-cat with icy blue eyes, sister is Fawnpaw
Swooppaw- Brown tabby tom with amber eyes
Mistypaw- Gray she-cat with blue eyes, Dawnpaw’s sister
Dawnpaw- Gray she-cat with blue eyes, Mistypaw’s sister
Bumblepaw- Gray tabby tom with blue eyes
Queens and Kits
Whitefeather- White she-cat with blue eyes, mother of Mallowstar’s kits: Daisykit (white she-cat with blue eyes), Sorrelkit (gray and white she-cat with blue eyes and white paws), and Rainkit (gray tom with light blue eyes and white ears)
Elders
Petalclaw- Gray she-cat with green eyes
Beespring- Gray tabby tom with amber eyes
Chapter 1
Seedwhisker stretched and yawned as he awoke from a good night’s sleep. From inside the warriors den he glanced at the fresh-kill pile, seeing it was noticeably low.
Better do some hunting.
He got up, fully rested and headed out the den, only to be interrupted by a yowl.
“Ow! Watch where you’re going Seedwhisker, you stepped on my tail!” Dashpelt growled.
“Sorry,” He mewed quickly slipping out of the den.
As he stepped into the fresh morning air he noticed the sun had just risen a little while ago. Hmmm should swing by the elders den.
As he got closer he could hear the elders inside.
“Lilydance’s kits will be born any day now,” Blossomcall purred.
“Yeah, that’s great, more kits for Thunderclan,” Losttip meowed leaning against his mate.
“We need someone to replace us old cats,” Darknose meowed.
“Don’t say that!” Seedwhisker protested stepping into the den.
“Oh hush now, you know it’s true. We won’t be around forever Seedwhisker,” Bravespirit meowed.
“But you’re still as important to the clan as the new kits and the leader.”
“Yes, I suppose that’s true,” Darknose meowed.
“We’ve got his pelt all in a bunch now,” Losttip purred.
“Did you come in here for something?” Blossomcall asked cutting off the other elders words.
“Yes, I wanted to see if any of you needed anything.”
“We’re fine dear,” She purred.
“Well, actually I could use a…..”
Blossomcall slapped her tail across Darknose’s stomach before he could finish.
“Like I said we’re fine, go enjoy yourself,” She meowed.
“Alright, I’ll be back later,” He meowed leaving the den.
“You don’t have to hit so hard all I wanted was a fresh mouse,” Darknose protested.
Now what was I….
He noticed the fresh-kill pile.
Oh yes hunting, but first…
Seedwhisker quickly hurried over to the fresh-kill pile and took a mouse off the top.
“Hey Seedwhisker,” Brightswipe meowed.
“Hi Brightswipe, been out hunting yet today?”
“No, what are you doing?”
“I’m going to bring this to Darknose before I go hunting.”
“Can I come with you, my apprentice is tired after yesterday’s battle training.”
“Alright, come with me to the elders den?”
“Sure.”
Wishheart padded over and picked up a couple shrews.
“How are Sealkit and Redkit today?” Brightswipe asked.
“As wonderful and beautiful as ever, I’m getting them some fresh-kill,” Wishheart replied.
“They’re so big already, one more moon and they’ll be apprentices,” She purred.
Wishheart nodded and bounded over to the nursery.
“Come on,” He meowed padding toward the elders den.
“Coming Seedwhisker.”
He turned into the den, the warm smell of fresh-kill in his mouth.
Must have just been brought back.
As soon as Blossomcall saw him she growled at Darknose, “Now look what you did!”
“It’s alright Blossomcall, I want to help,” Seedwhisker purred.
“Thanks young’un,” Darknose meowed taking the mouse, “Fresh too.”
Blossomcall just shook her head as he ate the mouse.
“I’m sorry Seedwhisker, Darknose is being a real nuisance lately.”
“Blossomcall it’s fine, I’ll leave then.”
“Alright, see you later.”
“You bet!” Seedwhisker called as he and Brightswipe left the den.
“So, where do you want to hunt?” Brightswipe asked.
“How about the old oak tree?”
“Sounds good.”
They walked out into the woods, quickly making their way to the oak tree. The gentle breeze felt good flowing through his pelt and the soft grass relaxed his paws. Brightswipe suddenly stopped and he collided with her.
“Ow! Seedwhisker watch where you’re going!”
“Sorry, Brightswipe I wasn’t paying attention, just enjoying green-leaf before it ends.”
“It’s okay. We’re here.”
“Great. Let’s start hunting.”
They split up and began their hunt. Seedwhisker lifted his nose to the sky and scented the air.
Water vole, no, rabbit, no, shrew!
He spotted it nibbling at the base of a tree trunk. Seedwhisker got down on his paws and crept forward, paw step, after paw step. The shrew continued its meal unaware of Seedwhisker approaching. He leaped into the air and pounced on it, the shrew began to let out a shriek, but Seedwhisker quickly killed it before it could alarm the other prey.
One shrew for me.
Seedwhisker covered it with dirt beside a yew bush. Scenting the air again he smelt nothing but the wind. He stepped forward a few fox-lengths and finally smelled a faint vole scent.
Better than nothing.
Seedwhisker followed the trail and found it sleeping in a tree root.
I just need to grab it before it wakes up.
He reached his paw in and scooped it out. The vole just laid there, wide eyed and stunned. Seedwhisker didn’t hesitate, he killed it and unburied his shrew.
I wonder where Brightswipe is.
He wanted to call out for her, but she might be stalking something and he didn’t want to scare it away.
I could just go back to camp, no then she’ll be waiting for me and I’ll just be worrying her and wasting her time.
“Hey Seedwhisker,” Brightswipe meowed.
“Oh there you are.”
“Ha, ha! Is that all you caught?” she meowed looking at her two rabbits, three voles and robin then looking at his catch.
“Yeah, well it’s not my fault! If I were a she-cat prey would just drop at my paws too!”
She rolled her eyes and padded toward camp. Seedwhisker felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment.
There’s no way she won’t gloat about how she caught more than I did!
“Coming snail tom? I would race you but I wouldn’t want to beat you at that too!” Brightswipe purred.
“Oh yeah!” he meowed darting in front of her and racing to camp.
Brightswipe was caught off guard, as if she didn’t think he’d accept her challenge.
I’ll show you Brightswipe!
She raced after him but was having trouble keeping up with all the prey in her mouth. Probably wish you hadn’t caught more than me don’t you!
As Seedwhisker turned his head back, Licktail was right in front of him. He quickly slammed his paws out in front of him.
Too late!
Seedwhisker ran right into the deputy and they rolled around until they hit the elders den. He looked at the camp entrance and saw Brightswipe covering her mouth with her paw, trying to stop herself from laughing. The elders poked their heads out of the den.
“See now that’s the kind of fun he could have been having,” Blossomcall meowed.
“What, get the deputy to kill you, fun?” Darknose meowed.
“Seedwhisker! What in Starclan’s name were you doing?” Licktail growled spitting out chunks of grass.
“Training you for rolling cat attacks,” Seedwhisker meowed giving him a guilty smile.
“Ha, ha, very funny. You know what, you can think about how funny it is when you’re checking every cat in the clan for ticks!”
‘Hey that’s not….” Seedwhisker began to protest.
“That’s not enough punishment for acting like kit?”
“No.”
“Alright then I want all new nests in the warriors den, make mine extra fluffy,” He meowed giving Seedwhisker a smile and walking away.
“Hey that’s not what I….”
Brightswipe hurried up to him.
“Don’t you even dare…” Seedwhisker warned.
Brightswipe paid no attention to his warning and burst out laughing, rolling on the ground.
“He was all like that’s not enough punishment and you were like no and then he was like okay here’s some more!” she meowed deepening her voice, still laughing.
Seedwhisker just glared at her.
“Alright that’s enou…” Seedwhisker began.
“You were…and then!” she meowed laughing.
“Are you done?”
She stopped laughing, “Almost,” and began laughing again.
Seedwhisker frowned.
“Alright I’m done.”
“Good, I’ve got dens and cats to clean.”
Seedwhisker cleaned out all the old moss in the warriors den and replaced it with new moss.
Make mine extra fluffy! Yeah whatever!
He glanced at the medicine den.
Right ticks, better get some mouse bile. Seedwhisker padded into the medicine den.
I sure hope Glaregaze isn’t in here, that medicine cat scares me, always has.
“Need something Seedwhisker?” Blinkwing asked.
“Yeah mouse bile.”
She giggled her blue eyes full of joy.
“For your punishment?”
“Yeah.”
“You should have seen the way you hit him and went rolling!” she purred.
“You should have hit him,” Seedwhisker purred back.
Blinkwing stepped to the back of the den and came back with dripping moss in her teeth.
“Now you know the drill, don’t lick your paws, wash them in water.”
“Yeah, I’ve done this a million times helping out the elders.”
“So, I heard Brightswipe beat you in hunting today.”
“It wasn’t a contest!” he protested.
“But you still lost,” She purred.
Seedwhisker frowned.
“What are you doing Blinkwing?” Glaregaze meowed stepping in the den.
“Giving Seedwhisker some mouse bile.”
Seedwhisker grabbed the mouse bile and gave Blinkwing a fearful look. She shook her head giving him a look that said he’s a medicine cat for crying out loud he’s not going to hurt you! He gave her a look saying I’m not taking my chances and hurried out of the den. Seedwhisker could hear her sigh as he went to the nursery.
I am SO glad the apprentices checked everyone but the queen’s ticks yesterday!
He slipped into the den.
“Hello Seedwhisker,” Berrystem purred obviously knowing why he was here.
Lilydance was purring in her sleep while Sealkit and Redkit were playing with their father Wishheart nearby.
“I don’t have any ticks, but my kits or Lilydance might,” Berrystem meowed.
Seedwhisker nodded and walked over to the kits.
“Ew! Not that stinky stuff again!” Sealkit wailed.
“It will get rid of that itch you’ve been complaining about,” Her father, Wishheart purred.
Seedwhisker bent down and looked through Sealkit’s fur finding a tick and killing it.
“Redkit doesn’t have any,” He announced looking up from the kits fur.
“Seedwhisker I don’t have any either,” Lilydance meowed.
He wondered If he had waken her, but she shook her head telling him he hadn’t.
“Alright, good luck Lilydance,” Seedwhisker meowed leaving the den.
Lilydance nodded and rubbed her belly swollen with kits.
“Hey Seedwhisker want to go for a walk?” Brightswipe asked.
“Sure, I could really use some time to just relax.”
They padded out of camp together and walked to the Sunning Rocks. Brightswipe stretched out on a rock and sighed happily.
“Meow! Meow!”
“Did you hear that?” Seedwhisker asked.
“Hear what?” Brightswipe replied.
“Meow! Meow!”
“There it is again!”
“I heard it, it’s coming from over by the river,” Brightswipe hissed.
They quickly padded over to see what was making all the noise. A little gray and white she-kit with blue eyes and white paws was bobbing up and down in the water. Without thinking Seedwhisker dived into the water.
“Seedwhisker!” Brightswipe screeched.
He swam against the current unable to see the kit.
“Meow!”
He turned and saw it barely able to stay above water, Seedwhisker started to paddle forward but was sucked down into the water. He flipped over and felt his paws touch the soft sandy floor.
I need to help this kit!
Seedwhisker felt for the ground again but this time he pushed off with all his might, sending him rocketing out of the water. The kit was right in front of his nose as he resurfaced.
“Meow!”
I’m coming kit!
Seedwhisker reached forward and grabbed the scuff of its neck and dragged it toward land.
“Seedwhisker over here!” Brightswipe called out.
He churned his paws in the water making his way over to Brightswipe, while keeping the kit in his mouth. Seedwhisker swam with all his might when the water suddenly got rougher and harder to move through he felt like he was trying to run through a rock.
“Seedwhisker you can stop swimming! You made it!” Brightswipe meowed.
He opened his eyes and saw her standing in front of him and felt the kit in his jaws.
“Here, take her,” He mumbled and Brightswipe scooped her up and laid her farther out. Seedwhisker laid on the ground a moment until he could finally stand up.
“Seedwhisker, she’s not breathing!” Brightswipe cried.
“It’s too far to get a medicine cat, let me try.”
He leaned over her and placed his paw on her neck, she still had a pulse. Seedwhisker gently pushed on her chest.
“Try and hold her mouth open,” he meowed and she did so.
Soon the kit was spitting out water and coughing.
“There, there,” Brightswipe cooed.
“Who….are…you?” she choked.
“I’m Seedwhisker from Thunderclan and this is my clanmate Brightswipe, who are you?”
“So….Sor….Sorrelkit!” she coughed.
“What were you doing out of your camp and so close to the river?” Brightswipe asked.
“I was….exploring.”
“We better get her to her clan.”
Brightswipe nodded.
He lifted Sorrelkit up and laid her across his back.
“Now just lie still Sorrelkit,” He meowed.
Seedwhisker carried Sorrelkit, followed by Brightswipe to Riverclan camp.
“My kit, my kit! Where’s my kit?” Whitefeather cried.
“We’ll find her!” Cloverleaf mewed.
Seedwhisker stepped into their camp.
“Sorrelkit!” Whitefeather cried running up to them.
Mallowstar came out of his den.
“Sorrelkit!” he meowed dashing up to her.
“What happened to her?” Whitefeather asked.
“She was in the river,” Brightswipe replied.
“But how did you get my kit…..” Mallowstar began then looked at Seedwhisker’s dripping pelt, “We will repay you for risking your life to save my kit.”
A she-kit and a tom came tumbling out of the nursery.
“Sorrelkit!” they cried.
“You’re alright!” the tom purred.
Sorrelkit smiled. “Yes Rainkit,” She coughed.
“There’s no need to repay me, knowing I followed the warrior code is good enough,” Seedwhisker meowed.
“I won’t take no for an answer, we will repay you one day,” Mallowstar meowed.
“Daisykit, Rainkit, that’s how you go out on an adventure,” Sorrelkit purred.
“Yeah and you brought back Thunderclan prisoners,” Daisykit replied.
Mallowstar gave him a look saying his kits were just playing.
“Don’t you ever do that again!” Whitefeather scolded.
“Yes Whitefeather,” Sorrelkit meowed.
“Come on Pebblefall and I need to make sure you’re alright,” Cloverleaf meowed taking Sorrelkit to the medicine den.
“It’s late and I can’t send you back to your clan this late and let something happen to you, please stay the night, we’ll make you both nests.”
“I don’t know…” Seedwhisker began.
Brightswipe yawned and meowed, “Let’s stay Seedwhisker, I’m tired.”
“Great, Fawnpaw, Frostpaw, we need nests for these two warriors!” Mallowstar called.
The two she-cats quickly made nests for them and moments after Seedwhisker laid down in his nest next to Brightswipe. He blinked once and drifted off to sleep.






Use the tags that are
<i>Use the tags that are before and after this line for italics.</i> They can be used for your thought sequences.
also the lack of proper punctuation positively saddens me.
The human whose name is written in this note shall die.
This space for rent.
Great Work
Nice names and awesome story!!!! Ya fix the punctuation. Tip: When someone is talking, you do something like this.
"Dawncloud is awesome," said Leafpool. Notice how the comma is used . . . Helps it flow better. Also you may want to indent when someone begins to speak. (o: Great work!!! Keep it up!!!
-Dawncloud
Cream and tawny brown cat. Gentle blue eyes. Fast as falling rain, clever as the eagle. :o)
-Dawncloud
MY BLOG: http://heliosreviews.blogspot.com/ PLEASE CLICK THERE
Thanks so much Squirrely!!!!
LAKEY! Please stop
LAKEY! Please stop criticizing people's stories like that. Instead of just yelling at them for their mistakes, actually try HELPING...
I like the story, btw. It's pretty good; please continue ^^;
No siggy. *waves hands around spookily*
Wolf; she wasn't yelling,
Wolf; she wasn't yelling, she was just trying to help. Anyone who posts stories here can be subject to constructive critisism.

Wolf: Argh, I used to, but
Wolf: Argh, I used to, but now I just can't be bothered since most people I try to help just end up yelling at me and claim that I'm being mean or whatever. So I try to say something that's wrong with it in case they do want me to help them fix it. Also Adder's right, I wasn't yelling. I didn't even use caps in that sentence! xD And stories are subject to criticism.
The human whose name is written in this note shall die.
This space for rent.
Meh, good point. XD
Meh, good point. XD
No siggy. *waves hands around spookily*
I feel kind of sad now. :)
I feel kind of sad now. :) But i said I could take the criticizim and i will. Okay i have to explain here. I did indent but when i put it on here I couldn't. I didn't know you put comma's in, I've seen books without them but whatever. :)
Instead of indenting, just
Instead of indenting, just double-enter. There's a new paragraph each time there's a new speaker.
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Alright every1 i was 1/2
Alright every1 i was 1/2 right. You DON'T have to put a comma after someone's speaking IF you have an ! or ?. I didn't indent because i was having a hard time doing that on this website.
Good story
The names are awesome. I really like Pebblefall, Grassblade, and Beespring (yes, I am partial to RiverClan). Like the story idea. Keep writing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(:>-
you can't outsmart a snake
-- Snakefire
-Snakefire
"My philosophy of life is that if we make up our mind what we are going to make of our lives, then work hard toward that goal, we never lose - somehow we win out." -Ronald Reagan
Thanks Snakefire, you'll see
Thanks Snakefire, you'll see more of Pebblefall later on in the book.
I said that you could
I said that you could double-enter rather than indenting.
Punctuation around dialogue rules:
"I have an idea," Lakestorm meowed.
If the dialogue has the words "meowed character", "character hissed" or any variation thereof, the dialogue ends with a comma (or an exclamation point/question mark).
"What's your idea?" asked Brindlestar.
The word "asked" is lowercase. If the dialogue is followed by "said character" or "she said" (or any speech word instead of "said", or any other gender pronoun), then the "said" or "she" is always (ALWAYS) lowercased.
"We go see RiverClan."
If there's not a "character said" or "said character" after the dialogue, it ends in a period (or exclamation point/question mark).
"RiverClan might know something." When Lakestorm looked up, Brindlestar was nodding.
If there's an action after the dialogue rather than speech, it still ends in a period.
"But," added Brindlestar, "there's no real reason for us to go see RiverClan, apart from that."
If the speech is interrupted by "character said" or "said character", as it is here, then the first bit of dialogue and the "character said"/"said character" follow the normal rules. However, if the second bit of dialogue is part of the same sentence as the first bit ("But there's no real reason for us to go see RiverClan, apart from that"), then the "character said"/"said character" ends in a comma. The next bit of dialogue begins with a lower case letter.
"I know," Lakestorm conceded grudgingly. "I was just thinking that we might be able to find out..."
If the two bits of dialogue are two separate sentences ("I know. I was just thinking that we might be able to find out...") then the "character said"/"said character" ends in a period. The second bit of dialogue begins with an uppercase letter.
"However, I can't deny the possibility." Brindlestar rose to her paws and padded out of the den, motioning for Lakestorm to follow her. "We will go see RiverClan."
The first bit ends with a period because it is followed by Brindlestar's actions rather than "Brindlestar said"/"said Brindlestar". The two dialogue bits are two sentences ("However, I can't deny the possibility. We will go see RiverClan"), so the action ends in a period and the next dialogue begins with an uppercase letter.
Hope I helped.
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*Sigh* Alright every1 the
*Sigh* Alright every1 the puntuation errors are not my fault, well only a few of them are so please let's be done with critizing that, I know how to write.
How are they not your
How are they not your fault?
Also, as others have said, posting your work here leaves it open to criticism. Instead of shunning it, how about working on fixing the errors?
The human whose name is written in this note shall die.
This space for rent.
*SIGH!!!! AGAIN!* I am
*SIGH!!!! AGAIN!* I am trying to be patient so can we drop the puntuation criticism? I DON'T have the time or patient to put in every little detail on this website. I don't know how to Italicize on here or indent. I am fixing the error i never learned about so PLEASE can I here about the story and can we all stop fidgeting with the tiny little details, it's not going to be a book. For any1 who's trying to help i'm sorry but you're persisting too much and getting on my nerves. I'm working on the other chapters, trying to improve them so I can at least try to live up to the impossible standards here. I am using all of your advice but its enough. Please any questions about the story? And if you don't like the plot or anything about it or your just here to criticize please don't say anything at all. I thank you all for your advice. I just have lost my drive to write after all these harsh puntuation comments and I am struggling to get back. Only today did I get my drive back. If you have any comments about the story please say, but for now hold back on the puntuation ones. Thanks!
The only reason I'm
The only reason I'm criticizing is because criticism = improvement. How about you go back through and fix some of the things that we pointed out? It makes your writing better and helps you improve.
Do you want to be a good writer? Even if you're not going to make it a book, you can still improve, right?
The standards are not, actually, impossible. There's a few people with high standards and that's it.
You don't need to indent; that's what I'm saying. Write it like this:
"'I'm going out,' meowed Lakestorm.
'Be back soon,' said Brindlestar."
That's the double enter. And italic tags are like this:
<i>Your text goes here.</i>
The human whose name is written in this note shall die.
This space for rent.
I am using every1's advice,
I am using every1's advice, and thank you all for that, but can we PLEASE stop with the puntuation. I fixed as much as i could and it atomatically changed stuff, it's weird! I just want to know what people think about the story and i don't have time for all the little details, I'll try to fit them in but it takes FOREVER! I appreciate all your help.